Why, Canada? (Or ‘Moderate rant on Toronto draw’)
August 6, 2011 1 Comment
Before I resume my line of thought, now sure I won’t make any enemies after this post (or am I? You can never know, but the chances are lower now), let’s look one post back to this – a Quick Guide, written by myself, of how to make Pete (3rd person wtf) lose interest in a tennis tournament. Items 4, 5 and 6, complemented by #7:
“4. Kim Clijsters
5. Yanina Wickmayer
6. Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova
7. Set the following match-ups: 4 vs. Serena Williams (3rd Round), 5 vs. Caroline Wozniacki (2nd Round), 6 vs. Hantuchova/Dulko, Azarenka (2nd/3rd round).”
Followed by a link to Rogers Cup Ladies’ draw: Toronto Premier 5
I think I got you in the mood by now. So let’s go.
There are two ways to do this. A complex draw analysis, praising how awesome and how much of a mindfuck, with excellent match-ups saved for every day of competition we, fans of tennis, got. But if you were looking for that, you wouldn’t be here – there are lots of better websites that do better analysis.
And there’s Pete’s way – which is why you’re reading this now. My unique, particular, (un)biased and (im)passionate way of dealing with this game we all love. Pete’s way, then, because I’m calling the plays here.
Introduction off. Let it be.
I start: WHAT IN THE HOLY GRACIOUS NAME OF FUCK? (I promise this is the only swearword you will see here today)
I was all ‘hey, all my faves have taken this month [July] to rest after the non-stop action in Europe, but they will be back in August and everything is fine’. BUT NO. NO KIMMIE, NO.
I will take a huge paragraph only to talk about Clijsters. You have been warned. You also might want to skip to the next one. Your call. Well, Kimmie is back from injury. An injury I had doubts about at a first glance, a very odd injury, in fact – dancing, in a wedding. I had heard complaints about her shoulder, back in the first US swing – and her level actually decreased after Paris Indoors – but then the ankle – and the subsequently ditching of the clay season – seemed all too convenient. She played two tournaments since. I won’t even bring up here how she fared. But fine. Toronto, present, here and now. She drawn a first-round bye, a qualy in the second round (and given the high caliber of the girls in the qualy will be a tough one, indeed, but beatable) and… the winner of Alona Bondarenko vs. Serena Williams vs. the winner of Julia Goerges vs. Jelena Jankovic. SERENA. The one who took almost a full-season lay-off, returned two months ago and won a title last week, even dishing a double-bagel. The woman who leads Kimmie 6-2 in the H2H (I’m pretty sure that’s it, though I haven’t double-checked it). The popstar one, against whom everybody seems to bow down and forget how to play tennis. In. The. Third. Round. Against a Clijsters who’s far from that form that made us all think she was the savior of the women’s tennis. Against a Kimberly who has the Cincinnati title to defend – over 900 points, because they swap Cincy and Canada to match with the ATP events (Stupid decision, Jesus). I couldn’t be sadder. Or more pissed off – because that’s probably how I’m gonna feel on Thursday, when this match-up is set to happen. Until then, I’ll be rooting for Kimmie and Alona, JJ or Julia, though they won’t even tickle mss. Popstar. And I have this uncomfortable hunch I will be forced to open my chest and… we shall wait and see.
Moving on, but staying in Belgium. From Bree to Lier. Yanina Wickmayer. Top-20, opens against Sara Errani – having to back all those points from last year’s quarterfinal run, which is a lot for her. Might not be the best opener, but beggars can’t be choosers. In the second round for her is… CAROLINE WOZNIACKI. Who owns her, since they were juniors. Of course, all the streaks have to go down some time, even Nole’s did. Even Rafa’s at RG did, but wowow, who invited you ATP guys here? GTFO! But you get it. However, the chances of Yanina beating Caro are just as unlikely as Alona’s to beat Rere. Goodbye and good riddance to the top-20.
Next on my list of faves. Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova. I hope you have switched to the old serve, Nastia, because the new one clearly did not work. Like Gary Cherome with Van Halen. Sometimes it’s more than feeling comfortable – or whatever were your intentions. Sometimes it’s just about effectiveness. And over 50 DFs in three matches are far from being effective – for you, let’s make this clear. Where was I? Oh, ok, Pavs. Depending on how Ivanovic does in Carlsbad, Pavs is likely to rise to the world #12. Pretty good, ah?? But she has the semifinals to defend – which might drop her a fair amount of positions. Opens against qualy. Okay, no problems, we all hope. Dani or Gise in the second round – Hantuchova more likely. That’s a problem. If she wins, Vika. It’s either Vika or Stephane Dubois/Qualifier in a Cinderella run – because this is the only way Azarenka will lose her opener. Azarenka vs. Pavs. It happened before. I didn’t like it.
Next and last. Marion Bartoli. No secret I’ve grown a lot of admiration towards her this year. Whatever, she’s playing some quality tennis in 2011, but still not enough to earn her a first round bye. So she will also play a qualifier in the first round – which she should beat with relative ease. Then, the winner of Pennetta/Kirilenko. Names that mean a lot. But they’re both struggling this year (Kirilenko was forced to withdraw from Carlsbad this year), so I’m counting with a him here, Marion. Third round. Sharapova. I’m done.
Last time I was so sure a tournament would become meaningless and empty of faves for me was… well, I can’t remember. But according to my math – widely helped by the tournament’s schedule – it might happen on Thursday in Toronto. The day by the end of which none of my faves will still breath and seek for a place at the sun. Sunday. Final. Sunday final. #LamePun.
Blame it on who? Canada? Far from it. Draw fixing? Makes no sense. Myself for picking the wrong faves? Meaningless. Lady Luck? Why not?
(or the Williamses. They were there, helping to sort it out, no?)